|Photo by Chelsi Peter from Pexels|
|Photo by Oladimeji Ajegbile from Pexels|
Have you ever watched the Friday Night Lights tv show before? If not, please consider playing the video above.
Today is one of those days. I'm here at home and I've been awake since 6 a.m. The truth of it is, I'm tired of being awake and lively. I'm not depressed, nor am I feeling suicidal. It's one of those days where you simply want to exist, without existing. I know I can't be the only one who has days like this. It's normal... Well, relatively normal. I imagine for some this could be a cry for help, but to me it's one of those days where I need to rant, and feel like I can. Without anyone judging, or wondering what's wrong. Whatever, you can call me Karen. Idgaf.
There's nothing really going on that I can talk about. Covid-19 has me in the same place as I was before. Covid & Me, we go back to the beginning of March. I'm still hanging around the house with relatively nowhere to go. Some of the places I enjoyed are slowly opening again, but I have not enough faith in my town, that we won't have some sort of issues with Covid-19 making a vengeance. After all, look at the current President. He's got Covid and he's going out and about in a car, greeting people! Bro, get in the hospital, don't be a clown.
I'm so tired of being at home. I'm tired of not working, but I low key don't want a job. Can I even do a job in a mask? Probably not. I can barely wear a mask for an hour in the grocery store without feeling overheated. Hey now, I'm a little overweight still, so I'm out of shape. Nothing medically wrong with me to say I can't. I'm saying I don't like to, I prefer not to have to. So I don't have a job. Not having a job adds to me stress level like you wouldn't believe. Yes, I have unemployment, but that's not forever, and I will get a job at some point. I'll have to.
I'm just tired. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of feeling tired. I'm tired of feeling like no matter what I do, it's not enough or I'm not. Maybe it is a little bit of depression. I read that happens to people right now. That they're feeling helpless and a case of FOMO. I don't really have FOMO too much, but I definitely feel helpless.
I'm 35 in 8 days. I have nothing to show for it.
No college degree.
Guess, that's another day's problem. Who really needs that sort of stability in life? I don't. Ha. Whatever. I'm done typing for now. I have a whole upstairs to clean. I can't think about this bologna right now.