Not today, buddy.

Today is one of those days. I'm here at home and I've been awake since 6 a.m. The truth of it is, I'm tired of being awake and lively. I'm not depressed, nor am I feeling suicidal. It's one of those days where you simply want to exist, without existing. I know I can't be the only one who has days like this. It's normal... Well, relatively normal. I imagine for some this could be a cry for help, but to me it's one of those days where I need to rant, and feel like I can. Without anyone judging, or wondering what's wrong. Whatever, you can call me Karen. Idgaf.

There's nothing really going on that I can talk about. Covid-19 has me in the same place as I was before. Covid & Me, we go back to the beginning of March. I'm still hanging around the house with relatively nowhere to go. Some of the places I enjoyed are slowly opening again, but I have not enough faith in my town, that we won't have some sort of issues with Covid-19 making a vengeance. After all, look at the current President. He's got Covid and he's going out and about in a car, greeting people! Bro, get in the hospital, don't be a clown. 

I'm so tired of being at home. I'm tired of not working, but I low key don't want a job. Can I even do a job in a mask? Probably not. I can barely wear a mask for an hour in the grocery store without feeling overheated. Hey now, I'm a little overweight still, so I'm out of shape. Nothing medically wrong with me to say I can't. I'm saying I don't like to, I prefer not to have to. So I don't have a job. Not having a job adds to me stress level like you wouldn't believe.  Yes, I have unemployment, but that's not forever, and I will get a job at some point. I'll have to.

I'm just tired. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of feeling tired. I'm tired of feeling like no matter what I do, it's not enough or I'm not. Maybe it is a little bit of depression. I read that happens to people right now. That they're feeling helpless and a case of FOMO. I don't really have FOMO too much, but I definitely feel helpless. 

I'm 35 in 8 days. I have nothing to show for it.

No college degree.

No job.

No kids. 

No marriage.

Nothing.

Guess, that's another day's problem. Who really needs that sort of stability in life? I don't. Ha. Whatever. I'm done typing for now. I have a whole upstairs to clean. I can't think about this bologna right now.