Not today, buddy.

Today is one of those days. I'm here at home and I've been awake since 6 a.m. The truth of it is, I'm tired of being awake and lively. I'm not depressed, nor am I feeling suicidal. It's one of those days where you simply want to exist, without existing. I know I can't be the only one who has days like this. It's normal... Well, relatively normal. I imagine for some this could be a cry for help, but to me it's one of those days where I need to rant, and feel like I can. Without anyone judging, or wondering what's wrong. Whatever, you can call me Karen. Idgaf.

There's nothing really going on that I can talk about. Covid-19 has me in the same place as I was before. Covid & Me, we go back to the beginning of March. I'm still hanging around the house with relatively nowhere to go. Some of the places I enjoyed are slowly opening again, but I have not enough faith in my town, that we won't have some sort of issues with Covid-19 making a vengeance. After all, look at the current President. He's got Covid and he's going out and about in a car, greeting people! Bro, get in the hospital, don't be a clown. 

I'm so tired of being at home. I'm tired of not working, but I low key don't want a job. Can I even do a job in a mask? Probably not. I can barely wear a mask for an hour in the grocery store without feeling overheated. Hey now, I'm a little overweight still, so I'm out of shape. Nothing medically wrong with me to say I can't. I'm saying I don't like to, I prefer not to have to. So I don't have a job. Not having a job adds to me stress level like you wouldn't believe.  Yes, I have unemployment, but that's not forever, and I will get a job at some point. I'll have to.

I'm just tired. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of feeling tired. I'm tired of feeling like no matter what I do, it's not enough or I'm not. Maybe it is a little bit of depression. I read that happens to people right now. That they're feeling helpless and a case of FOMO. I don't really have FOMO too much, but I definitely feel helpless. 

I'm 35 in 8 days. I have nothing to show for it.

No college degree.

No job.

No kids. 

No marriage.

Nothing.

Guess, that's another day's problem. Who really needs that sort of stability in life? I don't. Ha. Whatever. I'm done typing for now. I have a whole upstairs to clean. I can't think about this bologna right now.

Covid19, Casinos, and Me.

Since the start of the lock down, as well as COVID19 spreading, I've pretty much kept myself home except to go out for groceries. Where I live we have 6 people residing; three of us are working, and three of us are not. We've all gone through the same thing, who is an essential worker, who isn't... Why is unemployment not coming? Where is our relief check. We're all in this together.

Yesterday my family and I met up together; we live 40 miles apart roughly. We decided to try and adventure to a store to go look at some clothing for my Mom. Burlington Coat Factory was completely empty with nothing but baron shelves on each aisle. It was downright eerie. So, instead of going to another store, we drove to get lunch at the local casino and boy was it an adventure!

Fun fact. At the Nugget Casino in Sparks, and many others in the area, you've got to get your temperature taken before they will let you in the building. I had made a joke to the security officer about it "feels like I'm in prison" or something along those lines, and he jokingly laughed back "put your hands behind your back." Which, even now I realize, was probably a poor joke in my taste. I admit it. However, it was very strange.

Casinos in Sparks, and even Nevada alone are almost always bustling with people, the sounds of the machines, people coughing from smoking, drunk people making noise and even people coming and going to Starbucks. It's FILLED WITH NOISE. Not that day. It was completely quiet. We walked through the casino and it was like a ghost town. Everyone however was wearing their masks at the state has now made it where EVERYONE is required to wear masks according to RGJ.